So this is 36... I have decided to write less about my harried days as a mom of three, and more about this year that is looming ahead of me. I have been extremely erratic about writing, and with that in mind, I have made myself a promise to get on once a day. Now, I know how I can be. I like to start things that I may or may not finish, don't judge me, and I have a lot of ideas that never even get off the ground. But, this time, I will do this. I saw a movie once, where the main character blogged about following a cookbook and gave herself a year to finish. I like to think of this as something similar. I have fifty started journals, and half written in notebooks littering my room, but I feel this may be different and if not, I can always give myself a laugh in a year.
So, with that said. I did just have my 36th birthday the other day. A very uneventful day to say the least. I went to lunch with my mother, had a great dinner with my family, and that was great but, it wasn't like one of those banner celebrations you hear about. You know the ones, a big party, friends everywhere, caterers, the whole sha-bang. I have gotten to a point where I am satisfied with my life right now. Donny is home, the kids are doing great, and I have a job.. So I am in no way complaining, I just wonder who you have to shoot to get some of those perks you see on reality television. I mean really?? Whose reality is that? Where is my red bowed lexus in the driveway? Why am I not getting the little blue box from Tiffany's? Im sure somewhere, someone who is getting all those things on a daily is wondering why she cant just have what I have...Yeah, I doubt it too. I can say I feel lucky lately. My kids are all great, my husband is home and we are getting along well. I am kind of lacking in the friend department but in reality, that's okay too. Not that people don't need friends, just that I think my friendships weren't really as real as I would like them to be. My fault, Their fault? Doesn't really matter. Sometimes people outgrow each other and that's okay. I have done quite a bit of work in my everyday life to make myself a better person and maybe that was the point of all this. I needed a break from taking care of everyone and getting nothing in return. I needed to learn to step back and be okay to not always try to fix everything for everyone and if that means that their shit falls apart, that's not my business. Not my place to make everyone feel great while my stuff starts to fall apart. Lesson learned. I can still go out if I want, still go to parties if I want. I don't, but not because I cant. I just don't want to. I don't care to see a bunch of people I don't care about prance around each other pretending to be friends. LOL That's what it seems. I get this image of chickens clacking while they all talk and admire each others feathers. Everyone wants the two cheeked kiss and nobody means anything to each other. I am a sarcastic, quick witted, shit talker who some may call a bitch and the rest, well lets just say they probably don't know me very well then. I'm totally okay with that. Oh, don't get me wrong, I can be sweet, selfless, helpful, nurturing, protective, and a genuinely nice person, but, you aren't going to get that right out of the gate and if you cant handle that, it was nice talking to you. Move on, I don't want you to waste your time cause I'm certainly not going to waste mine.
Had an interesting call from my sons school the other day. Apparently, my son was sitting in the in school suspension room for the rest of the day because some kid called him the N word and my son punched him in the face. I suspect this has something to do with him growing his fro out. I support the fact that my son stood up for himself, could he have "used a different" way to express his distaste of being called that word, absolutely, but I will bet you the kid sitting in the office with the ice pack on his face, will use a different word next time. We have always taught our 3 kids that that word is disgusting and when people use it, No matter which people use it, It shows a lack of education and usually means they are degrading you. I am not black, my husband is. I don't have the kind of relationship associated with that word that my husband does. I don't notice people following us at high end stores, or the looks of disapproval from our "elders". He does. I have had him point them out to me and become more aware when they happen. But, growing up in Minnesota, its not a place that one automatically associates with racism. I'm appalled and embarrassed for this state when I do see it. I cant believe we still have to talk about this in 2013. Seriously. And what's worse, I cringe when I hear grown men and women use it, no matter what color they are, but when I hear kids using it, I want to throw up. Its a horrible word, meant to degrade and keep people down. Aren't people teaching kids these days about love and all that? I never used it as a kid, why would my kids? Is there no common sense anymore??
Well, I suppose I should get back to work. Overnights are rather dull though, and since I have all my work done already, my work will be made up of watching television and making sure no one needs anything throughout the night..TTYL