Alone

     Feeling extremely lonely these last few days. I get that he is away making money so we can survive as a family but, I am getting sick of spending every waking moment alone (and un-waking for that matter). I start my day alone, clean alone, hang with my kids alone, eat alone, shop alone, watch movies alone and sleep alone. Unless one of my children wake up in the middle of the night and find their way into my room. I was really looking forward to him being here for Karen's wedding. I mean, I'm married right? So why is it that I have to go to this thing alone. Because we will miss out on more than a thousand dollars thats why. I get it, really I do. But now, once again, while everyone is celebrating love and marriage, I will stand there without my husband. People who don't know me, will think I'm single. Worse yet, those who do know me, will feel sorry for me and I hate that most of all. I made sure the DJ had our wedding song so I would be able to dance with my husband when they play it. Now when I hear it, I will want to cry. I wont, but thats how I will be feeling inside. He's coming home for Thanksgiving, but is bringing his friend from work with him. He asked me first and I should have said no. Thats my time with him, our time with him. Oh well. I guess I should be thankful that he will be here for 3 days. Enough bitching though. I will plaster that fake ass smile on my face, and pretend to be O.K. with everything,people expect that from me, ya know?